Afterthoughts
by Ian Shinra
Summary: Reno reflects on being a Turk as he walks to work.


  
Afterthoughts  
  
  
  
~A songfic~  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Heh, this is my first songfic, and it's REALLY angst ridden. Just a warning. All song lyrics are from "Mad Season" by Matchbox Twenty. PG: 15 I'd say...   
  
  
  
Reno got out of bed and walked to the window. Outside the sun was just coming up, it's pale light hardly doing anything to melt the shadows of the slums of Midgar. "Another day at the damn Shinra offices," Reno thought aloud. He didn't hate his job some much as he hated the trip to the building every day. Walking through these slums, espically Sector 7 ruins, brought back many unwanted memories, not to mention unwanted visitors. Yeah, those jackasses down there were always up for a fight. "Damn them," he said, not relizing he was speaking aloud. They blamed him for their problems! It wasn't his fault for anything the "old" Shinra had done, for God's sake why couldn't people forget the past!? "Stop it," Reno told himself as he grabbed his blue suit and got dressed. "No use thinking about it. Things will never change."   
  
  
  
~I feel stupid, but I know it won't last for long~  
  
  
  
He exited his split-level house on the outskirts of Midgar. It was a grand palace by Midgar's standards, and the resentment from people in the slums was omnipresent.   
  
  
  
~And I've been guessin', and I coulda been guessin' wrong~  
  
  
  
More than once had he had to beat down a few punks trying to mess up the house. No wonder he was single. Not like he could raise a family here, or anywhere for that matter. People wern't very willing to put the past behind them, that was for sure.   
  
  
  
~You don't know me now~  
  
  
  
He patted his nightstick. He was alert as always, more that a match for anyone in these slums.   
  
  
  
~Kinda thought that you should somehow~  
  
  
  
And he dreaily headed on his long way to the Shinra offices.  
  
  
  
~does this whole Mad Season got ya down~  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
  
Things were going smoothly so far, he had gotten a few nastly glares from the general public but nothing serious. He just set his jaw and plodded on, every once and a while shooting a cold glare back at them. "Bastards," he thought to himself. "My day sucks and it's barley begun. Maybe I'll go drinking with Rude later, if I can even do that, these people like to hang out in bars."  
  
  
  
~I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes~  
  
  
  
But just up ahead were a few teenage guys. They looked to be about seventeen or so, and there was four of them. From the looks on their faces, they were evidently looking for trouble. All four happened to have bats with them too....  
  
  
  
~And I've been changin', think it's funny how no one knows~  
  
  
  
"Oh God," thought Reno, "I'm so not in the mood for this. Don't they have better things to do?"  
  
  
  
~We don't talk about, the little things that we do without~  
  
  
  
He set his jaw and looked straight on ahead, paying no mind to the four goons and hoping that they would just leave him be. No such luck. The teenagers began to jeez him, and spit in his direction. "Just ignore it," he said to himself, his fists balling up and his blood pressure rising. "Hey thats a nice suit!" said one. "Yeah, shame to see it on such a pathetic man! What'd ya do, steal it from some poor old person?" With that they hurled a clod of dirt that hit him square in the face.   
  
  
  
~When that whole Mad Season comes around~  
  
  
  
Reno was seething now. He turned to face them, glaring daggers. They were rolling with laughter, their genuinly mean eyes full of confidence. "Whatcha gonna do, suit boy? You think your all good with all your money and job at Shinra dontcha?" In the next minute the first man was lying face down on the pavement. Reno had taken a very well trained fighting stance, his nightstick out, his eyes feirce. Though he loved to joke and party, he could be a damn good fighter and more than a match for most when he needed to be.   
  
  
  
~So why you gotta stand there lookin' like the answer now~  
  
  
  
The group took half a step back from the intial shock and then surrounded him. None of them had any materia, for they were too poor.That was good. Their baseball bats were nothing compared to Reno's Electro-mag-rod. Sweat was beeding on his forehead, causing his sunglasses to slide down his face a little. He pushed them up, narrowed his eyes, and swung his weapon.   
  
  
  
~It seems to me, you'd come around~  
  
  
  
Crack! The second thug convoulsed violently from the electricity, then fell unconcious to the ground. Reno ducked one thugs's attempt to behead him, but was hit hard in the back by another. The were closing their circle rapidly. Cursing, Reno smote one thug with a blast of thunder, then, wheeling around, belted the last thug. "Amateurs," Reno said scowling. God $%&$# dammit, why does it have to be like this!? Why can't these people just forget? Move on?  
  
  
  
~I need you now~  
  
  
  
Why?  
  
  
  
~do you think you can cope~  
  
  
  
It's not fair!  
  
  
  
~You figured me out, I'm lost and I'm hopeless~  
  
  
  
No!  
  
  
  
~Bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken~  
  
  
  
"I won't have it anymore! Enough is too much!" Reno was in a frenzy now, spinning, cursing, grbbing at his hair. His blood was boiling, and he was lost, swept in a gale of anger and desperation, like a small, kicking child swept out to sea by the current, forever lost. He began to beat the unconcious thugs, beat them, beat them,  
  
Crack!  
  
Crack!  
  
Crack, crack, CRACK!!!  
  
  
  
~I come undone.......In this Mad Season~  
  
  
  
Faster and faster until he finally collapsed, exasperated. "What am I doing?" he thought suddenly, torn back to reality. A crowd had gathered now, gawking at the sight of a so-called "professional" beating on an unconcious civilian. He could lose his job for this, Reeve was certainly not going to approve. "Fuck Reeve," he thought. "I don't care if I'm fired. What does it matter anyway. My life is worthless, damn worthless." He got up and pushed though the shocked crowd. Weary faces, shocked, drawn, no stranger to pain and anguish. But not this. This was unacceptable.   
  
  
  
~I feel stupid, but I think I've been catching on~  
  
  
  
They began to pet him with stones, sticks, whatever they could find as he struggled down the street to work. But they followed.  
  
  
  
~I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on~  
  
  
  
They jeered him,  
  
ass!  
  
wretch!  
  
Go back to hell!  
  
  
  
~You seem colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around~  
  
  
  
  
But he did not hear them now. Nor did he feel their stones. For he was stone; solid, unmoving. He soldiered on, this trip wasn't worth it. But he did not cry out. He did not break down. But there was no longer thought in his head, he was as blank as a wall.   
  
  
  
~Will that whole Mad Season knock ya down~  
  
  
  
He faltered, caught himself, and marched on to the cruel laughter of the crowd. He used to laugh. He used to smile. Nevermore.  
  
  
  
~So are ya gonna stand there~  
  
  
  
The Shinra building was just up ahead. Soon the gaurds would see the crowd and fend them off. "Soon," he thought. But he didn't want any favors, he didn't need anyone to bail him out of this hell. "But at least they'll quell the crowds."  
  
  
  
~are ya gonna help me out~  
  
  
  
Reno marched past them and the crowd drew away, but one gaurd made the mistake of making a smart remark about the situation. Reno cold-cocked him and pushed open the doors of the massive building. "Bad day," he muttered.   
  
  
  
~You need to be together now, I need you now~  
  
  
  
He punched in the buttons on the elevator and looked out the glass window as it took him up. As far as he could see Midgar stretched out like a giant scar on the planet's surface. A black hole of pain and suffering, and the sad part was that it could have been so much more. So.....much more. "Reeve's masterpiece," he sighed.   
  
  
  
~Now I'm cryin', isn't that what you want~   
  
  
  
"So many bad memories........"  
  
  
  
~I'm tryin' to live my life on my own~  
  
  
"Why did God forsake me?"  
  
  
  
~But I won't~  
  
  
  
"But we had some good memories, and some good times. Just me and the Turks. My comrades. I'll never forget you guys......."  
  
  
  
~At times I do belive I am strong~  
  
  
  
The once smiling, joking, fun loving Turk now stood silent, emotionless. His face was placid, and he would have wept, but his soul was to crushed to even care anymore.  
  
  
  
~So someone tell me why, why, why...~  
  
  
  
He stepped off the elevator and into Reeve's office. Reeve looked up from his desk. "You don't look so good," he said.  
  
  
  
~Do I feel stupid~  
  
  
  
Reno just stood there for a moment. Then he reached for the holster of his gun. Reeve looked on in horror, unable to speak or even more. Reno put the gun to his head, smiled his trademark smile, though it was a weary one, and said "Sorry boss,.............maybe this'll pay my debts. Hope they have beer in heaven." And with that he pulled the trigger, his last words still hanging in the air. And he died, smiling that old, goofy smile.  
  
  
  
~And I came undone   
  
  
  
~Reno  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
